Feeling lazy and uninspired

I am a lazy ball of stress. I think my potential work switch-a-roo has made me debilitate my creative flow. I try to work up the energy to sketch, but its such a personal thing and, as therapeutic as it can be, it takes a lot of energy and focus to get started for me.

Why am a stressing myself out about getting fun things started?? Maybe I just feel so uncertain about everything right now, including my creative abilities.

I kind of feel like a teenager again in so many ways: My sense of style is changing, my identity role is completely different even from a year ago, even my friends - I went from a nursing student who wore T-shirts and thrift store clothes, living with or near my friends/family in PG county to becoming a wife and nurse (a real live nurse), who really likes to shop and buy nicer clothes in the attempt to dress like an adult living in Bethesda (Yuppy town!) where there is so much traffic it takes 40 minutes to drive 2 blocks (hyperbolic statement, but still..) so it takes so much more energy to see my friends.

Phew.. ok now thats out of my system. I do still love to bake and that really doesn't take any energy out of me, but it does make me chubbier and thus more lethargic. Solution: I ran today and ellipticalled too.

Better posts to come.

Baking the night (day?) away

I am working night shifts this week. No, not by choice. I have to switch my sleep/wake cycle. My life is already a constant state of tired and read-for-bed, but now I am supposed to sleep when its daylight out? I have only worked 1 of the 3 shifts and my body is already out of whack. And to boot, I got my period. (Like the internet wants to know that)

I tried to stay awake last night while Nick slept all warm and cozy, but (a few episodes of Scrubs and Better Off Ted later) I only lasted until 2am. When I woke up, the plan was to go to the gym to tire myself out... That did not happen. Made me an eggwhite omelet and started baking.

You'd probably think I made something very chocolate, considering my current condition. Nope. I went for buttery and yum: Blondie's with Maple Butter Sauce (courtesy of Secret Recipe Blog ). Its supposed to be like Applebee's Blondie dessert recipe.

Was not difficult at all - but Warning! This is not a health conscious recipe. For the maple syrup sauce, I had some real Canadian maple syrup that we got from Rico (a true Canadian). And I did not have walnuts on hand (and was not feelin' walking to the grocery store in the cold), so I used almond slices.





I'm cutting it open tonight at work to share with some of the ladies. I'll let you know how it turns out. :)

S'more cupcakes, who'd have thunk?

I've been following Bakerella for about 9 months now. When I got engaged, my sister-in-law showed me her cake balls and insisted I use her recipe for wedding cake balls. After two weeks of blood (well red velvet looks like blood when its all over your hands), sweat, and tears I finished about 300+ red velvet cake heart treats.
Anyway, today's blog was about Smore cupcakes and since it was Bora's birthday and she was coming over for dinner I decided to go for it!

The turned out amazing, way gooey and messy and delicious!

Oh and for dinner: salmon stuffed with crab and brie, side of risotto and green beans with tomatoes. Yum!

Challenges and Identity

I was so excited to get a Kitchen-aid mixer from Nick's dad as a wedding present. Such a generous gift! All the different baking recipes I have immediately became 10x easier. Its such a great cherry red, looks amazing on our kitchen counter.

What would my 16-year-old self think of me now... Why are you so excited over a mixer?? Why are you wearing high-heels?? Where did you put the Chuck Taylors?? And where is your darn sketchbook??

In the past year, I went from Ann Fitzmaurice to Ann Scott, R.N. I shortened my name, and added a few extra letters. My name defines my life right now. Sometimes I think I have lost part of me. Wedding planning and starting a home and a family takes a lot out of you. Don't get me wrong, its been fun and I really enjoy married life and getting to see Nick daily and make our home ours. Even the challenges of integrating our family holiday traditions was (for the most part) fun.

Starting my nursing career has been challenging this past year. I have learned so much and still have so much more left to learn. I don't really feel like I have been able to focus on my career until now. And now I sort of want to switch careers - sort of (I'm interested more in becoming an ICU nurse than an acute care cardiac nurse).

The part of me I feel like I have lost? My name (used to be pretty unique, now its pretty generic - but so much more simple and easy to spell), maybe some independence (but it is nice to have someone to rely on), some of my creativity. That is what I miss the most - my creativity. I just don't give myself time for it. So, my goal - get it back! Start sketching, start making, maybe start painting.